What is....what is not...!

What is Morality?

Scenario I: Seeing his impoverished family situation (bed-ridden parents, handicapped sisters), a teenage boy steals a loaf of bread from the convenient store and gets caught.

Scenario II: Just for the sake of having fun, a pompous, rich teenage girl steals a gold necklace from the jewellery store and puts it in her Prada bag and gets caught.

What is Crime?

Scenario I: Hearing his daugher's screams, a father dashes in to the house seeing his neighbor about to rape his daughter. He picks up the axe and kills the neighbor on the spot. He's arrested.

Scenario II: Wanting to erase his wife from the picture and get her insurance money, a husband hires a killer to kill his wife. The husband is arrested.

The law is fair. The loopholes and the executors of the law are not fair. Guess who will be punished????? So tell me..what is morality? What is crime?? Would you believe if I say that these are not hypothetical situations??

What have we become?

A husband and a wife were struck by a truck on the way to their relatives' house. The truck drove away without stopping. The wife, covered in blood, became unconscious. She suffered serious wounds. The husband who was still conscious crawled to his wife and put her head on his lap. He cried to the onlookers for help. No one moved to help him. Many buses and trucks went by, without stopping. The husband kept that same position for over an hour until his wife died in his arms.

You think that you would have stopped and helped him?? You might say yes...but you'll be surprised by how you may react on the spot!!!!! This happened in Kerala not so long ago!

XXXuality

Some people never question their sexuality.
Others do, at times.
Then there are those who question their sexuality, more often than a human should.

I am not going to categorize myself..because..I don't like to adhere to rules (who am I kidding. But let's just go with the flow here..eh). When my darling friend told me about a 'how gay are you' site, I had to check it out.

So this is my result:

You are 46% gay. Youscored right in the middle and are a happy and well adjusted hetero babe.

Well-adjusted.........yeah OK!!!!!

Does this mean that I'm only 54% STRAIGHT?? Should I be concerned?

In love......?????!?!?!

If you know that you've been in love, if you have been in love, if you think you know how it feels to be in love..

TELL ME.....

How exactly do you feel (the emotion and also about the other person) when you are in love?

Would you agree that there's a fine line between infatuation and attraction and 'likeness'!

Exposed...

Back in India, when I was naive and ignorant about the ..emmm....about everything...I used to wonder why the girls always ran away from the guy in a song scene. You'd see them dancing together, then the guy try to get to the girl...he'll stretch out his hand..and BOOM!! there she jets off!!!!! I used to leave the room when a sanitary napkin advertisement came on. I used to look behind me as though someone was calling me when a guy and a girl got within 2 inches of each other and looked into each other's eyes with passion (?).

When I came to America (8 and a half yrs ago), I couldn't really get out of the classroom when a sex scene was on tv, when an animal was giving birth, when two people were getting on each other, etc. Yes, I've seen all those with in the first year that I was here. You know what I used to do? I used to bow my head and look up every 15 seconds to make sure that it's SAFE. Most of the time, it wasn't!!!!

Today, in a span of one hour..I saw two women making out, a guy and a woman having sex, a woman in a PRETTY revealing bikini, a woman half-naked, a guy in an underwear dancing, and so on. (I was watching 'abc'. Heck!!! We don't even have cable) It's quite interesting to see what I've been habituated to in a span of 8 and a half years.

I used to be embarassed at watching even a kissing scene infront of my (nonchalant) classmates. Now, I feel the same nonchalance as I'm watching the above with my brother in the same room. I'm thinking "He's seen worse. I've seen worse."

When my fellow Indians criticize a woman who's wearing a top equivalent to a bra and a revealing bottom, I'm thinking..."Pssh..I've seen worse."

I don't know who to blame! I don't know if I should really blame anyone!! :D

Now and Then

*THEN*

He said: I love you
I said: Oh? I don't know what to say
He said: Well...how do you feel about me?
I said: Well..I....emm..

**************************************

*LATER*

He said: Merin....have you thought about what I'd said?
I said: You know..I had told you everything, eh? You're putting me in a difficult position!
He said: I know..I'm sorry. I think that I'll regret it if I don't confess my emotions.
I said: Hmm....

**************************************

*TODAY*

He said: So you have decided on what to do?
I said: No
He said: I think that you're making a big mistake .
I said: May be
He said: He will break your heart. How long are you going to wait?
I said: I don't know
He said: I want the best for you, Merin. I'm always here for you.

**************************************

How...and how..and how..

How do you react to the recurring statements that you're a disappointment to everyone around you? How do you feel when you're told that you are the cause of the tension and agony of your loved ones? How do you feel when someone bluntly states that you are a failure?

How do you see yourself when you are told that you can't be any better??

Should you ignore these statements? Should you tell yourself that you should give up on all your dreams?

My reaction (to my mom): a drop of tear!!

Continuing to live a lie....

I was well aware of how I had performed. :D

That smiley is definitely deceiving and I'm in denial!

*sigh*

I'll survive!!

The deciding factor.........grrr!!

I'm waiting for the results to come out on Tuesday. The result of what...is a trivial issue. Well.. that result will determine my entire life. It is going to solely decide where I'll be in 4 years. It will basically write out my future.

I'm scared to death. I gave the best shot and shouldn't worry about it now. Especially not now since the result will be known in a couple of days. Yet..I don't think that many of us can be so aloof about life changing tests!!

In a way, I don't want to get the result because I don't want to see how horrible I did. At the same time, I want to get the result because I want to put months and months of agony behind me!!

Sigh!!!

The Machines Are Quiet Now

*I just felt like posting this again.*

Driving at night on the luminous strange (yet familiar) roads made her reminiscent those days when she wasn't so alone. She could almost feel him sitting next to her. It's been a while since she's had that kind of security. She wanted him back. She wished those glorious days had never ended. The void in her life aggrandized as time went by. She wished she had tried to stop him from leaving. She wished she had told him how she felt about him. She longed for his presence. Tears rolled down as she regretted every fight that were initiated by her. If he were next to her, she would ask forgiveness for everything. She would fight for him. He was the only man in her life who cared so much about her. He was with her every step of the way as she was recuperating.

And he was gone. Just like that. And she just sat here and watched. She started becoming furious at herself as she thought more and more about him. The car picked up speed. It was going 80 miles per hour as opposed to 40mph (as she was driving 5 minutes ago). Her senses became occluded. She was not noticing the road anymore. Unawarely, she made turns. She ran red lights. She was not aware of the honks and blinking lights that indicated that she was going the wrong way on a high way. It was not until she was blinded by a beam of light that she noticed the truck that was coming straight at her. Before she could make a move, everything went black.

She woke up. Everything was hurting. Everything was blurry. Few moments passed by before her vision was lucid. She saw people in blue with masks over their mouth working frantically on her bloody body. What is with all the plunging? The machines in the rooms were going haywire. She looked to her side and there he was. He was smiling. He smile was always so soothing. She became ecstatic. He had forgiven her. He loved her, after all. This time she is not going to let him leave..by himself. She is going to join him, she decided. She saw that the people that were working on her were more frantic now. She thought it was funny. Nobody is going to stop her from joining him. Not now. He held his hand out. Without hesitation, she put her soft arms on his hand. She felt a sudden thrill. At last, they are together again. Now, she was standing with him over looking the dozens of people. Finally, they had calmed down. They were leaving, one by one. Good. It was just her and him now..and the machines.

The machines are quiet now.

A movie please!!!!

Ok people. I'm on a journey....! Well..no..not really! I just want to learn tamil (along with arabic, urdu, and french)! Well..the first priority goes to tamil. So suggest some tamil movies so I can waste some time wisely.

The kind of tamil movies that I like:

- Funny
- Something that has a moral to it
- NOT action
- Romantic is ok as long as it is not one where the guy is trying to get a girl and she is socially and economically superior and blah blah and blah. Or the one where the girl ignores the guy at first and then something stupid (drastic) happens and they fall in love! *yuck*
- I don't mind 90's movies..but please..let it be something that I can relate to!

Hindi movies are also welcome. But spare those that are with minimal clothing and too much booty shaking!!

Perpetual....

So I'm contemplating and pondering....over the most unimportant deal in my life now (I had to make it unimportant because it is not one of my priorities at the moment).

For the past couple of months, I've been bombarded with academics that I barely had time to think about anything. Now that I have almost a month of vacation, these crazy thoughts are working their little butt into my mind. So I'm thinking "Am I in denial or Is my mind the devil's workshop?"

Have you ever left a conversation being absolutely confused about what that person means to you?

Yeah..that's not something you want to feel..especially if it keeps you awake at night!

I'm a malayalee..

So I told a friend that 'Bhool Bhulaiyaa' is a remake of a malayalam movie. And he said 'OH YEAH...with the legendary Rajnikanth'! My heart just broke!! Is NO ONE aware of the classic movie 'Manichitrathazhu' with Mohanlal? Oye!! We really are under represented..aren't we?

Yes, the malayalam version was the best. The hindi version was almost an exact copy of the malayalam (what else do you expect from Priyadarshan!) which lacked something important.. so the movie was not that entertaining. I love Akshay's acting though. The tamil was absolutely pathetic. The director even managed to copy a scene from the 90's malayalam movie 'Aaram Thampuran'! The telugu version was...well..you all know how horrible it was!!!

MY NOSE, damn it!!!!!

What is up with guys spraying body spray, deodorant, and whatever else..before they leave the house...leaving my nose hypersensitive to almost every other scent in the world!?!?!?!?!?!?! Yes..I'm talking about my brother !! Don't get me wrong..it's a nice smell..but EASE UP...!! Oh my brother's answer to my painful look 'I don't wanna smell like curry'!! He took a shower less than 4 minutes ago..he came straight to this room after getting dressed. He's not even passing by the kitchen as he leaves home...I don't get it!! I think it's a guy thing!!

Yes...a guy who smells good is a turn on! A guy who is a walking 'perfume' shop is NOT!!!

May be I'm overreacting because my Victoria's Secret body spray is not as strong as his AXE!!

I have decided not to post my daily workout/intake plan anymore. I shall blow myself away and surprise myself by posting the final product of my hard work and dedication!!

Day 2 of Forever^Infinity

Intake

Breakfast: An orange and a bowl of cereal
Snack: An orange
Lunch: DELICIOUS noodles (with my contribution of spices, garlic, and an egg). I 'fried' the noodles...ohhh sooooo good!!
Snack: 1/4th of a pear
Dinner: AT LEAST 8 'biscuits' with chicken salad! OHH..yumm!!

Workout
Time: 31:00minutes
Activity: Ran/walked
Calories burned: 235
Miles: 1.4

Have you ever wonder why bad things happen to good people? My parents are one of the greatest people out there. I don't say that because they're my parents. Their actions are so philanthropic and I'm extremely proud and honored to be their child. At the same time, I wonder why they keep on helping those people (even family members) after they keep on getting screwed over by these people. Some people are so ungrateful that I wonder if they're human to just forget about what my parents have done for them.

Day 1 of many painless days

Intake

Breakfast: A croissant with a baked chicken leg
Lunch: Nasty chicken noodles with yesterday's take out noodles WITH an egg
Snack: An orange
Dinner: A croissant with 1/8th of an egg

Drinks: more than a liter of water

Work out

Time: 24:25minutes (goal was 30 minutes)
Calories: 210
Activity: Ran/walk an average of 3.8 miles per hour

I fought off the urge to buy chocolates, ice creams, and junk food. Oh GOD! It will not persist for long. I know that I will give into temptation. Oh no!!

I was very tempted to just watch tv rather than work out!! I started off with a lazy mind..and that's pathetic!!

I hope to do this for the next 30 days! This MUST serve as a motivation for me....no other intentions for this post!

Another attempt........

I think I'll try to get back on shape. I want to walk to the library every day and make myself a better person.


Every time I make a decision public, my attempts fail miserably!!!!

Let's see how it works out!

Height: 5'5
Current Weight: 1_5 lbs(Yes, there is a blank in between the 1 and the 5)
Goal weight: 1_5lbs- 20 lbs
Time span: 1 month


Challenging. Something that I'm NOT so used to!! I shall update on this in exactly a month!

He who doesn't stop for anybody...

Time!!

Often, we complain that we don't have enough time. That 24 hours a day is not enough. I beg to differ. I think that it is just enough time for us and our tiny brain. Then why do people hope and wish that God should award us with more time? .........

The answer is time management!!

You watched tv for hours and hours, when you could have studied for at least one hour. You do this until two days before your exam. THEN you complain about how difficult the class is, how the teacher is incompetent, how you don't have any time to study, how much materials is left to cover, AND your lack of sleep!!! At the end of the day, the teacher who did his job is to be blamed!! Yeah..that sounds about right!!

You spent day after day hanging out with friends for hours and hours. You know that the deadline for that project is approaching. It's all good. You 'know' that you have time to complete it. Two days before the project is due, you are loading up on coffee and freaking out. You blame everyone from your boss to the sweeper. Of course, you have a heavy work load. Of course, you will be sleep deprived for a couple of days. Then again..it's not your fault. It is others' fault. Yup.. that sounds about right!!

You work 8 hours a day. Of course you are tired. You don't expect your husband to understand because he is not on his feet the entire day. You want to spend time with your children. You can't... because.......because...you are too tired. Your husband and your children are getting on your nerves. Hmm..interesting. You sleep for 8 hours. You are at work for 8 hours. Your drive to work may be 2 hours back and forth. Your time to get ready/groom yourself/freshen yourself up may be 2 hours in total. Hmm..and here I was..under the impression that there are 24 hours a day. Oh wait, there's the weekend. But no...that's YOUR time to spend time on YOURSELF (shopping, grooming, roaming with friends). Yeah...spending an hour or two with your children and your husband is UNTHINKABLE. Of course, your husband and your children infact ARE expecting way too much from you. Yeah..that sounds about right!!


May be we should start having a different perspective on things and stop being selfish. Haha. Yeah right. Like that's going to happen...it's the inevitable!!