I just finished watching 'Sillenu oru kadhal'! Of course, I had my share of confusion: 1. I could only decipher so much since Tamil is not my mother tongue. 2. What Jyothika did (having the ex-girlfriend over) was beyond anything (It was quite stupid). Over all, I would give the movie a 6/10. I liked just one song from the movie. Some scenes were precious. Others were just a waste of time. To tell you the truth, I was enjoying the movie until Jyothika made that stupid decision. Why the hell do you want to open up a can of worms by inviting an ex over and have your husband spend an entire day with her. May be she wanted to grant her husband's wish. May be Surya and Bhoomika had a closure through that. But still..I didn't like the whole deal. Then again. Who cares! I wouldn't say that it was a total waste of time..but it surely did take up my most precious study time.
So...yeah. As I was watching the movie, some things came to mind:
- My guy is going to sweep me off the floor as he comes riding his black beauty.
- The black beauty is not a horse. It's a BIKE. I don't care what bike it is, it just has to be black.
- He doesn't have to wear a shining armor. But he must have a helmet.
- He has to do the sweeping in the morning.
- He MUST be tall enough to fix my hair.
- I'm allergic to chocolate, he can present me with fresh fruits if he wants to please me.
- I have a difficult time walking by myself in my body on my two feet....spare the flowers.
- Balloons are difficult to carry around. Buy me something that lasts longer.
- I prefer to share germs (kissing) in private.
- The whole world doesn't have to think that I'm an anatomy specimen that needs to be 'examined' every minute. Watch the hands.
- Calls at night are nice. Waking up with a grouchy mind is not!
*According to a friend, this is why I'm still single.*
I'll add to the list later. Some of the above are meant to be satiric. Hope they're quite obvious.
Ciao.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Flower That Fell..
He was woken up from his sleep by the cellphone ring. 'Damn..I need to turn my phone off before I sleep', he thought. Cursing his rotten luck of being interrupted from a rather sweet dream, he annoyingly picked up the phone. He was greeted with a sweet voice, 'Still asleep?'! It was the same person that's been waking him up in the morning for the past 5 years. She has always called at 8AM on the dot and that day was no different. 'How could she wake up this early'!!! He got up and sleepily said 'Not now. Man, I was having an awesome dream. I think there was a girl involved too. You just ruined it for me'!! Before he could finish the sentenced, he was presented with a tirade from her about how he should go to sleep early and get consistent hours of sleep. Even though she reiterates the same to him almost everyday, he still hasn't gotten tired of it.
It was very coincidentally that they'd met. It was at a friend's party that he had reluctantly attended. He was new to the town and had not made many friends. He did not want to be uncomfortable among strangers and thought that he'd spare himself. But his friend pushed him to attend and he agreed. He walked into the apartment quite early in hope to get to know a few people beforehand so that he won't be sitting in a corner bored out of his mind. As he knocked on the door, he could hear the noises from inside. A female opened the door and gave him a warm smile. He was greeted inside where he was welcomed by his friend. Thankfully, there were only about 5 people present there. They were decorating the apartment and he thought that he'd join in on the fun. Within a matter of minutes, he realized that the group of people was definitely one of the friendliest he'd encountered.
The same female that had opened the door was helping him with decorations. As they were doing so, they started chatting on quite random topics. She was very laid back. At the same time, she was intelligent and he seemed as though she had a great personality. He felt very comfortable with her. As the night progressed, they talked more and more to realize that they are alike in a lot of ways. She kept him company all night and he left the night with her contact information. From then, many calls were made to each other...many dinners were shared...many parks were walked on. And it's been 5 years and they still remain the best of friends.
Getting back to the call, he sensed that she had something to say to him. So he asked if everything was alright. She said that she had something important to tell him. Her voice was a bit dull. They arranged to meet each other in an hour. He started getting ready right away because he did not want to start a quarrel about his usual tardiness. He went down to the garage to get his car. It started raining. He went back into the apartment to get an umbrella because it was a 3 minute walk from the parking lot to the park. As he hoped in his car, he realized that his gas tank was almost empty. He was so convinced that the cosmic forces were trying to play a game with him. After filling fuel, he sped to the park. By the time he got to the park, the rain had stopped. Sunny day, he thought to himself.
He walked to their usual meeting and she was waiting for him. He was ready for a tirade and was about to apologize when he saw her face. It was gloomy. This was a surprise to him since she's smiling almost all the time. He asked what was wrong and she just smiled at him sadly. "I don't know where to begin, dear. I thought of about 5 different ways to introduce this to you but nothing seems to be sticking. I'm just going to say it. My marriage is arranged." It took him a few seconds to process that information. As soon as he did, he started laughing like a maniac. "You got me. You got me. Great way to start a day. Now I am completely awake", he said. Saying that, he looked at her. Her expression had not changed. He was dumbfounded. She kept on talking and he could not hear anything. At last, he managed to say "And you are okay with this?" She talked about how her fiance is a childhood friend and that their families are close as well. It was a very abrupt decision and since there was no opposition from both sides, they decided to go ahead with the planning. The night before, both families came together and had a verbal agreement.
He could not believe his ears. 'Why did not you tell me about this before?' he asked. 'The whole process was in 3 days and I needed some time to register the information in my head' she retorted.
They sat together on the bench. No words. No sound.
At last, she broke the silence. 'You know, this may be hilarious. We've known each other for 5 years and there had been a few times when I felt something for you. Something more than what a friend feels for another friend. It probably was wrong of me have thought that way. I just couldn't help myself. You became a part of me and there were times when I felt as though I wouldn't have moved on if it weren't for you being there for me. There were times when the mere thought of you made me ecstatic. Don't laugh, alright? I was such an idiot. I know that you'd never thought of me in that manner. I was wrong to have thought that. I thought I should say this anyway, so that I won't have a heavy heart later on in my life whenever I think of you.'
He looked at her with his mouth wide open. He started to say something.....but she interrupted...
"Hey, you know...if you had ever told that you had feelings for me....could you even imagine where we would be today? Anyhow. No point thinking about the past. We'll remain friends and nothing can come between our friendship. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I have a date with my fiance today and I better not be late. Well. He's a nice guy, I'm sure he won't mind though. But I'd rather build up a good first impression. I know that this is a lot to take in, but do understand...yeah? I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this in advance. We'll hang tomorrow. Buh bye."
She walked away..waving. A tear drop rolled down his cheeks on to his shirt. Just then, a flower from the shady tree fell next to him.
He truly had loved her and was planning to confess his love that night.
It was very coincidentally that they'd met. It was at a friend's party that he had reluctantly attended. He was new to the town and had not made many friends. He did not want to be uncomfortable among strangers and thought that he'd spare himself. But his friend pushed him to attend and he agreed. He walked into the apartment quite early in hope to get to know a few people beforehand so that he won't be sitting in a corner bored out of his mind. As he knocked on the door, he could hear the noises from inside. A female opened the door and gave him a warm smile. He was greeted inside where he was welcomed by his friend. Thankfully, there were only about 5 people present there. They were decorating the apartment and he thought that he'd join in on the fun. Within a matter of minutes, he realized that the group of people was definitely one of the friendliest he'd encountered.
The same female that had opened the door was helping him with decorations. As they were doing so, they started chatting on quite random topics. She was very laid back. At the same time, she was intelligent and he seemed as though she had a great personality. He felt very comfortable with her. As the night progressed, they talked more and more to realize that they are alike in a lot of ways. She kept him company all night and he left the night with her contact information. From then, many calls were made to each other...many dinners were shared...many parks were walked on. And it's been 5 years and they still remain the best of friends.
Getting back to the call, he sensed that she had something to say to him. So he asked if everything was alright. She said that she had something important to tell him. Her voice was a bit dull. They arranged to meet each other in an hour. He started getting ready right away because he did not want to start a quarrel about his usual tardiness. He went down to the garage to get his car. It started raining. He went back into the apartment to get an umbrella because it was a 3 minute walk from the parking lot to the park. As he hoped in his car, he realized that his gas tank was almost empty. He was so convinced that the cosmic forces were trying to play a game with him. After filling fuel, he sped to the park. By the time he got to the park, the rain had stopped. Sunny day, he thought to himself.
He walked to their usual meeting and she was waiting for him. He was ready for a tirade and was about to apologize when he saw her face. It was gloomy. This was a surprise to him since she's smiling almost all the time. He asked what was wrong and she just smiled at him sadly. "I don't know where to begin, dear. I thought of about 5 different ways to introduce this to you but nothing seems to be sticking. I'm just going to say it. My marriage is arranged." It took him a few seconds to process that information. As soon as he did, he started laughing like a maniac. "You got me. You got me. Great way to start a day. Now I am completely awake", he said. Saying that, he looked at her. Her expression had not changed. He was dumbfounded. She kept on talking and he could not hear anything. At last, he managed to say "And you are okay with this?" She talked about how her fiance is a childhood friend and that their families are close as well. It was a very abrupt decision and since there was no opposition from both sides, they decided to go ahead with the planning. The night before, both families came together and had a verbal agreement.
He could not believe his ears. 'Why did not you tell me about this before?' he asked. 'The whole process was in 3 days and I needed some time to register the information in my head' she retorted.
They sat together on the bench. No words. No sound.
At last, she broke the silence. 'You know, this may be hilarious. We've known each other for 5 years and there had been a few times when I felt something for you. Something more than what a friend feels for another friend. It probably was wrong of me have thought that way. I just couldn't help myself. You became a part of me and there were times when I felt as though I wouldn't have moved on if it weren't for you being there for me. There were times when the mere thought of you made me ecstatic. Don't laugh, alright? I was such an idiot. I know that you'd never thought of me in that manner. I was wrong to have thought that. I thought I should say this anyway, so that I won't have a heavy heart later on in my life whenever I think of you.'
He looked at her with his mouth wide open. He started to say something.....but she interrupted...
"Hey, you know...if you had ever told that you had feelings for me....could you even imagine where we would be today? Anyhow. No point thinking about the past. We'll remain friends and nothing can come between our friendship. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? I have a date with my fiance today and I better not be late. Well. He's a nice guy, I'm sure he won't mind though. But I'd rather build up a good first impression. I know that this is a lot to take in, but do understand...yeah? I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this in advance. We'll hang tomorrow. Buh bye."
She walked away..waving. A tear drop rolled down his cheeks on to his shirt. Just then, a flower from the shady tree fell next to him.
He truly had loved her and was planning to confess his love that night.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Nosy about me? Read away..
Are you a vegetarian?
Currently, yes. Usually, NO.
Do you believe in Heaven?
Yes.
Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes.
My earrings. I’m not a fan of jewelry. I wear them only when I have to.
Surprisingly, not now
Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
That’s my favorite part of the broccoli.
Do you wear makeup?
No. I’m allergic to the cheap make-up. So I spare myself from the financial burden.
Would you ever have plastic surgery?
No. Even though I can think of a place or two that’ll benefit from it.
What do you wear to bed?
Whatever I was wearing before I hit the bed
Probably…well…may be…yeah. I think so.
Can you roll your tongue?
No. But I can use it well though
Do you have a boyfriend?
No.
What’s there not to believe? It exists. Do I oppose it? No I don’t. I think that a woman’s body is her own business.
Do you want to get married?
I do. Hearing about/seeing the happenings around me, I can’t help but be reluctant.
Emm…it’s dark. So…black?
Haven’t thought that far into the future. I like the name ‘Joshua’…
No
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
I used to. Now I have a cute little pillow that I hug (at times) to bed…it’s abandoned some time in the middle of the night.
Jump up and down, obviously. The next will be to give portions to my parents then to three of my best buddies as I had promised them.
Depends on the outfit.
Depends on the mood. Mostly, hamburger.
All three and some
My desk?
In the kitchen: porotta and sambar
Today (around
Yes. In fact, it is from a blog that I got the idea to do this
I’ve done it. I don’t mind.
Yes.
Dove
Do you talk in your sleep?
Not sure. I wouldn’t be surprised if I do, though.
Ocean. I’ve never been to an ocean..may be that’s why!
“Endharo Mahanubhavulu’
Yes.
Window, baby!
I’ve seen many celebrities. I don’t think that I’ve met any though.
I’ve had a meaningful life.
Twirl…………
What is your fav. sport to play?
Badminton
Neither
No. I want to. I think it’s hot.
Ice cream!
Yes. Very.
Yes.
No
Next to………………………..
Fine! I wish I were on top of a mountain
Yes
Learned it a long time ago. Need to refresh though
A ‘glitter’ globe
It was a ‘random’ gift according to the presenter. I think of it as my birthday gift.
I can’t remember the last time I had a lot of money.
Where do you live?
Heaven…some people call it merin’s home.
Last wedding attended.
May 2007. A close friend’s
Where there is good food
The one that makes everyone say ‘DAMN…lucky driver’
When was the last time you got drunk?
I don’t get drunk. I’m well in control of myself!!
Doesn’t exist
Most loved food(s)?
Any food
I believe that…no matter what others say
What's your least fav. chores?
Doesn’t apply to me..since I don’t do much of chores.
Water
I don’t like the word ‘crush’
An hour and fifteen minutes
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Life...what a trip!
Color, religion, caste, hair color, body shape, etc. are all trivial when compared to the compatibility of two people. I wonder if there'll be a day when the Indian community will look past the trivial things that they expect from others. I have never even bothered to consider an inter-religious or inter-caste or even inter-racial relationship. Why? My reasonings have changed over the years. At first, it was that I failed to understand how anyone could be interested in me. Later..I went through a period of 'indifference'..where I cared about pretty much nobody in this world. Then..my parents' words started echoing in my head "If you even consider such a relationship, you will be greeted the next day with the news that both of your parents'd committed suicide hanging from a ceiling fan." I wonder if the ceiling fan can hold the both of them though. Let's not get into physics. Now a day, the reason that I have engraved in my brain is surprising me as well. I don't want any kind of shame on my family because of my irresponsibility or my actions. It's simple. When my parents used to tell me about all these, I might have had a hostile attitude toward all that..thinking how I'm living my life. It is true, people. I actually care now. *Trumpets and flutes and drums* Well. I think that I have always cared. But I never looked at my life from this kind of different perspective.
At the same time, you can't really help who you fall in love with. I feel bad for those people who are caught in between their lovers and their parents. Well, it's more like they're caught in between the ugly and loathsome restrictions that are stamped on them by the community. Isn't that enough to make one cynical? Here's one person who knows that she found the love of her life..yet can't have him because he's of a different caste or religion or race. I wish that there's a way to rewire some people. I wish that people's thoughts were not occluded my silly ridiculous views.
I have none of those problems and I feel as though there is a burden on me. Scrutinizing eyes are everywhere and they are looking for one tiny thing to go wrong with me. If you ask me (or my friends - to confirm), I don't give a damn about what other people think...nor do I alter myself in anyway to make them happy. Unfortunately....I have to keep an entity called 'family' on my mind all the time. To tell you the truth, I am very meticulous about myself now a day. Not even for a second do I want myself to forget about the sacrifices that my parents had made for me. At times..well actually..many a time, I feel as though I am vulnerable. Frankly, I have no idea how to get rid of that feeling or even to cope with it. That is when you are presented with the 'moody' Merin because she feels as though she has no control over her mind...or her hormones.
Do you want a love marriage or are you going to let your parents pick your husband? I have been asked (am still asked) that question so many times that I am thinking of making a note card reply to carry around in my wallet. I'm sure that you are eager to know the answer to this question. Well..here it goes.
I really REALLY don't care.
If a guy (must be malayalee, christian (orthodox), educated with a job) says that he loves me and wants to be married to me (Yes. I live in the LaLa land and the blue moon will be shining that day), I will have to direct him to my parents (that is if I feel the same). Why? At the end of the day, my parents are the ones who hand me over (What am I..a fugitive?) to him and his family. I will never be with a guy without my parents' permission. I am well aware that my parents expect a lot from me and that I'm expected to be a certain way. That certainly means that I am to have no significant other (I'm pretty sure). They might think that I will be spending too much time thinking about the guy or being with a guy that I will ignore my priorities. Understandable. Not unheard of. I guess I won't hesitate to tell them if I like a guy........but there is no way in hell that it is going to be acceptable if I tell them that at this point in my life...as in..today...may be a few months from now, they will be at least OKAY with it. Unfortunately, even if I do like someone..I have to suppress my feelings for obvious reasons.
Now..arranged marriage. We are not talking about me getting married on one fine morning without telling a soul. We are not talking about a scenario where I don't know the guy and have barely seen him. I have to get to know the person first. I have to at least be able to evaluate him (it's inevitable..especially since I have a Psychology degree). Oh yeah..the most important of all.. he has to be able to handle me. The Good Lord knows that I'm a handful and some more. Ah. I appreciate my friends so much...they've been through hell and back with me.
I guess...there's a third option. If I really really like someone and am reluctant in presenting the issue to my parents...I can always ask someone else to be a broker (or a family friend) and introduce the guy and his background to my parents as a 'potential groom'...aka...a 'nice catch'! That will definitely be more dramatic and I will have a blast...................IF they approve. Well. I guess...the 'approval' comes from my end!!
Why the hell am I talking about all these? I don't know. I believe that I've had way too many 'relationship' conversations today.
If life were as easy as we want it to be, then we'll be taking the fun out of it! I leave you with that.
Farewell.
At the same time, you can't really help who you fall in love with. I feel bad for those people who are caught in between their lovers and their parents. Well, it's more like they're caught in between the ugly and loathsome restrictions that are stamped on them by the community. Isn't that enough to make one cynical? Here's one person who knows that she found the love of her life..yet can't have him because he's of a different caste or religion or race. I wish that there's a way to rewire some people. I wish that people's thoughts were not occluded my silly ridiculous views.
I have none of those problems and I feel as though there is a burden on me. Scrutinizing eyes are everywhere and they are looking for one tiny thing to go wrong with me. If you ask me (or my friends - to confirm), I don't give a damn about what other people think...nor do I alter myself in anyway to make them happy. Unfortunately....I have to keep an entity called 'family' on my mind all the time. To tell you the truth, I am very meticulous about myself now a day. Not even for a second do I want myself to forget about the sacrifices that my parents had made for me. At times..well actually..many a time, I feel as though I am vulnerable. Frankly, I have no idea how to get rid of that feeling or even to cope with it. That is when you are presented with the 'moody' Merin because she feels as though she has no control over her mind...or her hormones.
Do you want a love marriage or are you going to let your parents pick your husband? I have been asked (am still asked) that question so many times that I am thinking of making a note card reply to carry around in my wallet. I'm sure that you are eager to know the answer to this question. Well..here it goes.
I really REALLY don't care.
If a guy (must be malayalee, christian (orthodox), educated with a job) says that he loves me and wants to be married to me (Yes. I live in the LaLa land and the blue moon will be shining that day), I will have to direct him to my parents (that is if I feel the same). Why? At the end of the day, my parents are the ones who hand me over (What am I..a fugitive?) to him and his family. I will never be with a guy without my parents' permission. I am well aware that my parents expect a lot from me and that I'm expected to be a certain way. That certainly means that I am to have no significant other (I'm pretty sure). They might think that I will be spending too much time thinking about the guy or being with a guy that I will ignore my priorities. Understandable. Not unheard of. I guess I won't hesitate to tell them if I like a guy........but there is no way in hell that it is going to be acceptable if I tell them that at this point in my life...as in..today...may be a few months from now, they will be at least OKAY with it. Unfortunately, even if I do like someone..I have to suppress my feelings for obvious reasons.
Now..arranged marriage. We are not talking about me getting married on one fine morning without telling a soul. We are not talking about a scenario where I don't know the guy and have barely seen him. I have to get to know the person first. I have to at least be able to evaluate him (it's inevitable..especially since I have a Psychology degree). Oh yeah..the most important of all.. he has to be able to handle me. The Good Lord knows that I'm a handful and some more. Ah. I appreciate my friends so much...they've been through hell and back with me.
I guess...there's a third option. If I really really like someone and am reluctant in presenting the issue to my parents...I can always ask someone else to be a broker (or a family friend) and introduce the guy and his background to my parents as a 'potential groom'...aka...a 'nice catch'! That will definitely be more dramatic and I will have a blast...................IF they approve. Well. I guess...the 'approval' comes from my end!!
Why the hell am I talking about all these? I don't know. I believe that I've had way too many 'relationship' conversations today.
If life were as easy as we want it to be, then we'll be taking the fun out of it! I leave you with that.
Farewell.
Friday, February 1, 2008
me - the phenomenon
It has been a while since I have posted something here. I have much to do. I should be sleeping now so that I can wake up early in the morning and study for 10+ hours tomorrow. Ah. Procrastination seems so right. It feels so right. It sounds so right. I guess it must be right then. Academics are taking up 90% of my time. The rest is dedicated to basic needs. I was thinking aloud one day and my friend supports me on this: we could accomplish so many things if we did not have to sleep. It was not until I took a class on sleep that I realized that I need to take better care of myself. I wish I could share the knowledge with the rest of the world....but I can't...there's just so much to know and realize. I might write a book one day. I tell people to get adequate amount of sleep at a regular time. If you don't, your mind will start fooling with you. If you don't sleep (that too, REM sleep), you will definitely have both health problems and 'mental' problems. My theory is that dreams are body's way of consolidating memory. Well..I'm not gonna go into any more details. So...those who don't get adequate sleep, please try to. Trust me, your excuse of 'my body is used to 2 hours of sleep and I can't sleep for more than that' is bogus. A human needs at least 6 hours of sleep. None of you are superhuman...so...start sleeping right!!
I want to scream out to the world what I'm feeling, but I can't. I'm not sure what is hindering it. May be it is self doubt. I am a busy person. Or I should be a busy person with the amount of things that I have to do and take care of. Yet, at times, I stop dead in tracks thinking about this. Sadly and unfortunately, this is quite familiar. The last time I let myself feel like this, I ended up in abyss. Self-restraint is not working out. May be I just don't want to be restrained. May be I want to liberate myself. Not good. If that happens, I will be bogged on on these thoughts that it will occlude my thought process..hence ceasing me from reaching my goals. I've got to say.. at this point in my life..my goals are quite realistic. Yet, my wants (not 'needs') are quite idealistic. To get over the temptation, I have to have a strong motivation. I do have a strong motivation. So what is the problem?!?!
It's like infatuation and attraction. Certain emotions overlap. At the same time, you are not really sure as to what you are feeling. Frustration and desperation occlude your thinking. So what are you going to do about it? Ask yourself. YEAH RIGHT. Like that is going to go anywhere. You will end up with more questions. There's only one thing left: you have to convince yourself that it is not one of your priorities and that it is not worth hours of pondering. Do you know why most relationships fail? Desperation! Most people are in a relationship because they WANT to be in a relationship not because they NEED to be in one. They can't bear the thought of being alone. So they pick the next person that shows an interest in them. When you need to be with a particular person, that is when you know that you love him or her. Now, my question is answered. It's not a need. It's a want...definitely as a result of desperation. I can move on now. I'm content!
I want to scream out to the world what I'm feeling, but I can't. I'm not sure what is hindering it. May be it is self doubt. I am a busy person. Or I should be a busy person with the amount of things that I have to do and take care of. Yet, at times, I stop dead in tracks thinking about this. Sadly and unfortunately, this is quite familiar. The last time I let myself feel like this, I ended up in abyss. Self-restraint is not working out. May be I just don't want to be restrained. May be I want to liberate myself. Not good. If that happens, I will be bogged on on these thoughts that it will occlude my thought process..hence ceasing me from reaching my goals. I've got to say.. at this point in my life..my goals are quite realistic. Yet, my wants (not 'needs') are quite idealistic. To get over the temptation, I have to have a strong motivation. I do have a strong motivation. So what is the problem?!?!
It's like infatuation and attraction. Certain emotions overlap. At the same time, you are not really sure as to what you are feeling. Frustration and desperation occlude your thinking. So what are you going to do about it? Ask yourself. YEAH RIGHT. Like that is going to go anywhere. You will end up with more questions. There's only one thing left: you have to convince yourself that it is not one of your priorities and that it is not worth hours of pondering. Do you know why most relationships fail? Desperation! Most people are in a relationship because they WANT to be in a relationship not because they NEED to be in one. They can't bear the thought of being alone. So they pick the next person that shows an interest in them. When you need to be with a particular person, that is when you know that you love him or her. Now, my question is answered. It's not a need. It's a want...definitely as a result of desperation. I can move on now. I'm content!
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