I found me!

I searched and searched. But had no luck. I was about to give up when I thought of something. I sprinted. Yes, She was there. Sitting on rock with a pensive look, at the intersection of memory lanes. I slowly walked to Her. She raised her face to look at me. Then She moved over to give me some space to sit on the rock. I took my place and asked Her 'What are you doing here?'! She said 'I don't know. I often find myself sitting here and contemplating on my life.' We sat there for a few minutes without speaking a word to each other before I asked Her 'What are you pondering over?' She hesitated a moment. I saw that She was composing herself. Then She said 'I am wondering if I can go on. I have this gut feeling that I will fail anything that I attempt. I think I am scared. In short, I don't know how long I can survive.' I nodded, for She and I understood each other more than anyone else.

I thought for a minute or so. Then I told Her 'well..let's take a walk down the memory lane. Let's start from rue de childhood.' We saw a poignant child who got up at 5 am every morning to study. Was she sad? I wanted to stop and ask her but we had to keep moving. On the other side of the road, I saw a lonely child who wanted to scream out her frustration but instead retired to her books for the hopes of drowning her sorrows and disappointments. But I wondered, why was she lonely? I tried to discuss it with Her. She said, 'she doesn't complain that she is lonely. I believe that she was quite content with it.' Poor child. Then I saw those wild animals on the opposite side of the road. I wanted to rescue her from those wild animals who were eyeing her to tear her apart. I wanted to give her a hug. But we had to keep moving. Before we turned to the next street I looked back, I saw that the wild animals were approaching her in a slow pace. I wanted to run back and help her. But She stopped me. She smiled and told me 'She will be just fine.' She smiled?!

Later, She told me that she excelled in all her classes by topping all of them! But what about those wild animals?

The next was the street of adolescence. The child had grown up. She had survived the loneliness. She had a lot of people around her. Friends, that is. She seemed to have a special aura around her. She seemed to have put the past behind her. We kept walking. We heard laughters. I turned to the other side of the road. She had become quite a humurous girl. What a change. I truly enjoyed walking down the street. Random boys in the bus stop who wanted to talk to her, random boys in church that she wanted to talk to, being quite the popular girl in her tuition school....etc. Before we knew it, we were coming to a stop. There was a 180 degree turn that we had to take on the same street.

She told me to be prepared.

I must say, she did not warn me enough. I could not believe that this was the same street. It was very dark and gloomy. Same girl with same innocence. But she was bombarded with so many responsibilites of being in another country. I saw her shivering in the cold without a decent jacket. Four people confined to one dark room in a even darker house. So called 'cousin' sneering at her. Perverted cousin. People who tried to make her feel inferior. *Shudder* I wanted to sprint. Then I saw her sleeping by the front door of her apartment so that she can wake up when her parents come back from work around midnight - they only had one key. Oh wait. The street was getting brighter.

We took another turn.

That particular path was rather pleasant. She seemed content. She wasn't free from difficulties, though. I was amazed to see a quite unnatural strength within her. She seemed to have goals, aspirations, and dreams. I saw her going to school with a sprained ankle. I was happy for her. She had changed.

She graduated from high school by being in the top 10%.

The next street, rue de adulthood, was rather interesting. She had been pushed to abyss, yet she was rescued. She survived. She revived. When She was about to fall, her friends caught her. She had come in contact with different kinds of people that taught her something - some more than others. She learned to be independent. She learned to cook. She learned to let things go. She experienced a lot of new feelings - new touch, new taste, new smell, etc. She learned how it felt to fall in love. She learned how it felt to have lost everything. She learned how it felt to lose faith and hope. She learned how it felt to be abandoned. She learned how it felt to be successful. She learned who actually was WORTH her time.

She had learned most from those 5 years.

Then we came to a halt. We had ended up at the same place that we started from. We spotted the rock and sat down.

I looked at Her. She did not have the pensive look anymore.

Looking down the street that was not yet paved, 'Yes. I know that I will survive. This will pass as well. I have been through worse. I will be ok.'

I have found me.