Me - the anomaly

Ever since they can think straight, almost every girl starts fantasizing about her future: her husband (prince), her children (about 10-20 of them), her house (a castle), and so on. Once she reaches puberty, the expectations on the husband will skyrocket, the number of children that she wants will decrease, and the expectation on the house stays the same. Once she is past her teenage years, at one point or another, she will realize that there is no prince, there is no perfect guy, or that she is doomed to be alone. Still the thought of having a family is there. She has dreams about the perfect family which she wishes and hopes to have one day. No matter how much she seems to be bitter and devastated, she never gives up her dream. There's always that hope. There's always that 'spark'! I read this in a book: 'Whenever a guy sees a girl, he is thinking about a potential sex partner. Whenever a girl sees a guy, she is thinking about a potential husband." I think that it is true for the most part.

Growing up, I didn't have many girl friends. I started having tuition classes when I was in Upper KinderGarten. My tuition class consisted of me, and three other boys. We used to go to the class (which was taught by a neighbor) every day after school. I think we even had classes on weekends. Regardless, I grew up with these guys. As we got older, these guys became my brother's friends as well. There were no girls my age in the vicinity of my house. I remember having one doll when I was around a year old, I think that my mom gave it to a beggar when I was 3 or something. I wasn't a demanding child, so my parents were happy as long as I was happy (playing with bricks and stone and mud and sticks).

My mom left for Saudi for 5 years when I was about 5. My dad practically raised us by himself until I was 11. During those years, all I concentrated on was studies. I did not have much of a life outside of school. I don't think that I had many complaints about that as well. I was too naive to construct any fantasy world about my future. I don't remember being attracted to any guys when I was in India. I remember noticing a couple, though. They had this aura around them which was so mystifying yet so attractive. Oh yeah, I think this is a good time to say that what I find attractive doesn't necessarily complement with another female's idea of 'attractiveness'! Oh yeah, I never spoke to these guys...but I had often found them peeking at me (in the bus stop, in church - another incentive to go to school and church, eh). I still didn't have recurring dreams about a prince in shining armor or a 'happily ever after' theme!

After I came to America, after being exposed to anything and everything that you can possibly imagine..you would think that I'd have a 'dream' or a 'fantasy' about a future. I don't. It surprises me that I'm quite apathetic about something that most girls have figured out when they were 4 years old. Yes, I do have expectations about a guy that I end up with. But I have never thought (expected) much about the 'family' deal even though I do like to have a family one day. I haven't thought about how many children I want. I haven't thought about where I want to live. Heck, I haven't given my wedding day much of a thought.

I wonder if it's an anomaly to not give my future much of a thought. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. That's my train of thought about anything and everything that has to do with the future. I don't think that you will find another soul who is so confused as I am. If you ask me why I'm doing what I'm doing, I'll just give you a blank look and respond 'I have no idea!' Is this just a phase?

I strongly feel that I like being (and want to be) alone. Is it because the right guy hasn't showed up yet? :D Benefit of doubt...eh!!!