After staring at the computer screen for what it seems like hours, I decided to go downstairs to give my eyes some rest. Plus, I was so tempted to see what boring movie was playing on Asianet. Oh yeah, I was nosy about what my parents were doing (ie., if they were eating something scrumptious). I went downstairs limping (because I wore high heels on Thursday - don't ask me why); I may have exaggerated a bit because hey, I'm an attention seeker. When I realized that my parents didn't really notice my limping, I decided to go to the living room and sit lavishly on the sofa. My father was ironing clothes and my mother was watching TV and talking to my father. Yes, my dad is absolutely awesome. He doesn't mind doing chores in the house; he even cooks!!!
Great! Everything was going great, right? I should have gone upstairs within few seconds. No. I didn't. My lazy brain and legs decided to glue me to the darn sofa. Then it was conversation time between my parents. Since my dad was ironing clothes, naturally..a topic about clothes was started. I should have gone upstairs since I knew that I could contribute nothing to the conversation. Yeah well, it didn't happen. Involuntarily, I was dragged into the conversation.
My dad: I am not buying any more clothes for a long time. Well, at least not until your wedding. Yeah, the next time I'm getting clothes is going to be around the time of your wedding.
My mom: Did you hear that? Appa is not going to buy any more clothes until you get married. So get married soon.
Me: Ah. Great then. Appa will be wearing raggedy clothes for a long time then.
I have been boasting to my dear friends about how my parents don't bring up the 'issue' of marriage to me and that they want me to concentrate on studying and all that nonsense. Well, there it goes. Demolished. I feel like a wet chicken who was left outside - cold and bitter.
I'm not against marriage. I want to get married. I want to have a family one day..ONE DAY. I think that marriage is a spiritual union of two people who vow to spend the rest of their marriage together in love, commitment, and trust. 100% of the married couple agree to that. 50% of them end up getting a divorce alarms me a tiny bit, though. I'm going to be realistic here; yes, it may so happen that I come off a bit pessimistic. But if you read through them, you will understand that I'm making valid points, hopefully.
Here's the scenario: My parents find me a guy because my dad is adamant about arranged marriages even though my mom had asked me if I have any feelings for any of my guy friends. Most likely, he'll be from India since they are not so fond of the guy who is from America. Every guy's dream is to end up in America. So, when my profile is in the market (which some of my family friends are competing over to do), I will get 100's (I'm not boasting, I guarantee that they won't look at ANYTHING ELSE if they see that I'm from 'America') of proposals. Of course, they expect me to LIKE someone from a picture. Apparently I'm supposed to be a psychic and know everything about a guy from a corny picture. I guess that if I 'like' this dude, two families unofficially have a contract. If I'm allowed to talk to a guy after I 'like him', within 2 months we will be 'engaged'. The day after the engagement will be the wedding and I'll officially be a 'married woman' (*Shudder*).
He comes to America after a few months. Of course, every guy in India has a pre-conceived notion about girls in America. And no, it can't be changed. We, malayalees, refuse to change our beliefs and mindsets even though they are ridiculous and WRONG. He comes to America and is mesmerized by what the country offers so liberally (bars, strip clubs, parties, 'available' hot women, dollar, computer, homosexuals, and definitely not the least, porn). Within a few months, he will do everything that forces me to think that he is a psychopath. Of course I would have to stay in the 'marriage' because I have to think of my family. If I leave, my family will be embarrasseed because it is ALWAYS the girl's fault.
When the abuses become unbearable, I leave. He goes on to live his life merrily because he is in America and there's this vast world in front of him. I, on the other hand, will have to face my parents, the society, my family....and have an explanation for what had happened.
I know for a fact that I will not bring infidelity on to the table. What's the guarantee that my husband won't? Is marriage synonymous to 'taking a risk'? Is that what it has come down to?
Let's concentrate on me now. I can be extremely unbearable at times. I have occassional mood swings which might lead you to hate me. I over analyze at times. My stubborness and adamance about my views and beliefs can be annoying. I can be over dramatic. I can be petulant. 'That' person must be quite patient with me and I have a feeling that such person might not exist.
Well..ask me in 25 years.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The Pregnant Man
Yes, you read the title correctly. If you reside in the great United States of America, you must be familiar with the news by now. If not, well here's the story in the most concised form:
"Meet Thomas Beatie. He was born biologically female, had sex reassignment surgery, and is now legally male. When his wife, Nancy, was unable to have children, Thomas, who still has female genitalia, decided he’d carry their baby himself. And thus became the world’s first pregnant man."
Some more about Thomas that I think that people should know:
Thomas used to be Tracy LaGondino (Ms. Teen Hawaii runner up). Tracy was bi-racial- she was (still is) half Asian. Her mother killed herself when Tracy was very young (before she even reached puberty, I believe). Tracy had always preferred 'rough-and-tumble' play; ie, preferring to play just like boys with boys. It wasn't until after she reached puberty that Tracy realized that she was attracted to girls. She started wearing 'men's' attires during college years. She preferred to be addressed as a male. After her college years, she decided to surgically remove her breasts. She started taking testosterones and started developing male physical characteristics. She did keep her female reproductory organs because she had always wanted to have a baby. Tracy became Thomas. That means that after years of therapy, cross dressing, etc. this person became LEGALLY a male. He was rejected by 9 doctors (OB-GYNs). The couples have been threatened by homosexuals, bisexuals, transgenders, transexuals, and heterosexuals equally.
Thomas and his wife decided to publish their story through 'People' magazine and Oprah. Mind you, I was not so convinced when I heard the story first. I had to make sure that people around me were sane, thus I decided to check the story out on the best webpage known to mankind: youtube. I decided to abandon all my chores and studies and sat down infront of the computer for what it seemed like HOURS watching Oprah on 'youtube'! Now, the videos were not that long. It's just that I was so tempted to see what people thought about the video that I went through thousands and thousands of comments. After reading the comments, I came to a decision: I must blog about this. Now a day when something interesting happens, the first thought that comes to my mind is 'this is going on my blog'! Oh. Have mercy!
I was rather surprised by the reaction of most of the people who watched the video. Some were furious. Some were angry. Some were in great deal of discomfort. Some were 'sick'. And of course most were 'upset'! I didn't find one comment that actually supported the couples. I have to say, I am quite disappointed by this. People were bashing Thomas by commenting that he's not a 'male'! Since he has female genetalia, he is a female - according to them.
Who or what is a male? Is that something that we are born as or is that something that we identify ourselves as or is that something that society TELLS us we are? Or does it come down to who we are attracted to? May be how we present ourselves in society?
I think that people should respect Thomas' decision..even if they are not willing to support him. He decides to have a baby. Why shouldn't he? It's his right!! How would you feel if a bunch of people knock on your door one fine day and try to control your life? You are entitled to live your life the way you want to live it. Thomas and his wife is not asking anybody for money. They are not asking you to aid them in any manner. They are not asking you to follow their path. They are partners (moreover, two human beings) trying to live their life and have a family. What say do YOU or I have in their life? The way that I look at it, they are trying to HAVE A FAMILY.
Who in the world gave you or I the right to judge others? This person is doing a noble deal. If people want SOMETHING to be upset over, I say that you start being upset over the SMOKERS around you. I'm sure that you'll be presented with accolades, if you can strip one person away from smoking. Want something else to be upset over? How about the millions of car crashes in your country caused by UNDERAGE DRINKING? Want something else to be furious at? How about the thousands and thousands of RAPES in your country? Heck, if you can't be furious at any of these, be furious at GEORGE W. BUSH. You have a reason to do that and I'm sure that your feelings/actions will be justified. If you can't relate to any of that, may be you should look into YOURSELF. All the wrongs that you have done. All the sins that you have committed. All the laws that you have ignored and disobeyed. When you are free of all the wrong doings and sins, start judging others.
I don't understand why people are so upset over Thomas and his decision. Frankly, I don't see a SINGLE reason why they should be! DO YOU?
I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I don't expect anyone to support this man and his family. I don't think that they are expecting that from anyone either. Can't people just mind their own business and go their way?!?!?!?!?
"Meet Thomas Beatie. He was born biologically female, had sex reassignment surgery, and is now legally male. When his wife, Nancy, was unable to have children, Thomas, who still has female genitalia, decided he’d carry their baby himself. And thus became the world’s first pregnant man."
Some more about Thomas that I think that people should know:
Thomas used to be Tracy LaGondino (Ms. Teen Hawaii runner up). Tracy was bi-racial- she was (still is) half Asian. Her mother killed herself when Tracy was very young (before she even reached puberty, I believe). Tracy had always preferred 'rough-and-tumble' play; ie, preferring to play just like boys with boys. It wasn't until after she reached puberty that Tracy realized that she was attracted to girls. She started wearing 'men's' attires during college years. She preferred to be addressed as a male. After her college years, she decided to surgically remove her breasts. She started taking testosterones and started developing male physical characteristics. She did keep her female reproductory organs because she had always wanted to have a baby. Tracy became Thomas. That means that after years of therapy, cross dressing, etc. this person became LEGALLY a male. He was rejected by 9 doctors (OB-GYNs). The couples have been threatened by homosexuals, bisexuals, transgenders, transexuals, and heterosexuals equally.
Thomas and his wife decided to publish their story through 'People' magazine and Oprah. Mind you, I was not so convinced when I heard the story first. I had to make sure that people around me were sane, thus I decided to check the story out on the best webpage known to mankind: youtube. I decided to abandon all my chores and studies and sat down infront of the computer for what it seemed like HOURS watching Oprah on 'youtube'! Now, the videos were not that long. It's just that I was so tempted to see what people thought about the video that I went through thousands and thousands of comments. After reading the comments, I came to a decision: I must blog about this. Now a day when something interesting happens, the first thought that comes to my mind is 'this is going on my blog'! Oh. Have mercy!
I was rather surprised by the reaction of most of the people who watched the video. Some were furious. Some were angry. Some were in great deal of discomfort. Some were 'sick'. And of course most were 'upset'! I didn't find one comment that actually supported the couples. I have to say, I am quite disappointed by this. People were bashing Thomas by commenting that he's not a 'male'! Since he has female genetalia, he is a female - according to them.
Who or what is a male? Is that something that we are born as or is that something that we identify ourselves as or is that something that society TELLS us we are? Or does it come down to who we are attracted to? May be how we present ourselves in society?
I think that people should respect Thomas' decision..even if they are not willing to support him. He decides to have a baby. Why shouldn't he? It's his right!! How would you feel if a bunch of people knock on your door one fine day and try to control your life? You are entitled to live your life the way you want to live it. Thomas and his wife is not asking anybody for money. They are not asking you to aid them in any manner. They are not asking you to follow their path. They are partners (moreover, two human beings) trying to live their life and have a family. What say do YOU or I have in their life? The way that I look at it, they are trying to HAVE A FAMILY.
Who in the world gave you or I the right to judge others? This person is doing a noble deal. If people want SOMETHING to be upset over, I say that you start being upset over the SMOKERS around you. I'm sure that you'll be presented with accolades, if you can strip one person away from smoking. Want something else to be upset over? How about the millions of car crashes in your country caused by UNDERAGE DRINKING? Want something else to be furious at? How about the thousands and thousands of RAPES in your country? Heck, if you can't be furious at any of these, be furious at GEORGE W. BUSH. You have a reason to do that and I'm sure that your feelings/actions will be justified. If you can't relate to any of that, may be you should look into YOURSELF. All the wrongs that you have done. All the sins that you have committed. All the laws that you have ignored and disobeyed. When you are free of all the wrong doings and sins, start judging others.
I don't understand why people are so upset over Thomas and his decision. Frankly, I don't see a SINGLE reason why they should be! DO YOU?
I don't expect anyone to agree with me. I don't expect anyone to support this man and his family. I don't think that they are expecting that from anyone either. Can't people just mind their own business and go their way?!?!?!?!?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Careful what you wish for..
Piece I
"Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for"
That is a song by Chris Daughtry.
Piece II
My away message on Google talk yesterday (4/5/2008): "I need an iced coffee, junk food, and a hug."
Piece III
I was studying in the student lounge. My first class is at 10am. I get to college around 9 am so I can review or just study. It was around 9.50am. This guy (who was sitting next to a computer) walks up to me and smiles. I smile back (why not? I'm a friendly person). The conversation that followed really supported the fact that I, in fact, AM a very nice and friendly person.
Dude: Hey, I am ____ ( I really don't remember his name)
Me: Hey, I am Merin
Dude: Oh nice to meet you
Me: Sure..you too
Dude: Can I give you a hug?
Me: (laughing hysterically) EXCUSE ME?
Dude: Can I hug you?
Me: Oh...Emmm...(still laughing)..I'm sorry I'm uncomfortable with that.
Dude: Then..can I give you a kiss?
Me: EH? emm...sorry..I'm uncomfortable with that as well.
Dude: Come on...it's just a hug. I've been noticing you and you are very attractive.
Me: (Laughing more hysterically) I am extremely flattered. But I'm sorry..I really am very uncomfortable with that
Dude: You know..I'm not going to bite you or anything.
Me: (Laughing)..regardless..I'm sorry...I can't..!! I can't tell you how flattered and touched I am but..sorry!! Thank you, though. You just made my day. Sorry again..
Dude: sure..no problem (walks off)
This is the highlight of my day. No, this is the highlight of my week. No..this, my friend, is the highlight of my entire month!! Haha..! It just can't get better than this!!
When he told me 'you are very attractive'..I was so tempted to ask, 'are you sure that you are looking at ME?'! Well..I let him have his say. I think people are losing it!!!
"Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for"
That is a song by Chris Daughtry.
Piece II
My away message on Google talk yesterday (4/5/2008): "I need an iced coffee, junk food, and a hug."
Piece III
I was studying in the student lounge. My first class is at 10am. I get to college around 9 am so I can review or just study. It was around 9.50am. This guy (who was sitting next to a computer) walks up to me and smiles. I smile back (why not? I'm a friendly person). The conversation that followed really supported the fact that I, in fact, AM a very nice and friendly person.
Dude: Hey, I am ____ ( I really don't remember his name)
Me: Hey, I am Merin
Dude: Oh nice to meet you
Me: Sure..you too
Dude: Can I give you a hug?
Me: (laughing hysterically) EXCUSE ME?
Dude: Can I hug you?
Me: Oh...Emmm...(still laughing)..I'm sorry I'm uncomfortable with that.
Dude: Then..can I give you a kiss?
Me: EH? emm...sorry..I'm uncomfortable with that as well.
Dude: Come on...it's just a hug. I've been noticing you and you are very attractive.
Me: (Laughing more hysterically) I am extremely flattered. But I'm sorry..I really am very uncomfortable with that
Dude: You know..I'm not going to bite you or anything.
Me: (Laughing)..regardless..I'm sorry...I can't..!! I can't tell you how flattered and touched I am but..sorry!! Thank you, though. You just made my day. Sorry again..
Dude: sure..no problem (walks off)
This is the highlight of my day. No, this is the highlight of my week. No..this, my friend, is the highlight of my entire month!! Haha..! It just can't get better than this!!
When he told me 'you are very attractive'..I was so tempted to ask, 'are you sure that you are looking at ME?'! Well..I let him have his say. I think people are losing it!!!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The saga continues..
I love Sundays. I could go to church and my spirit could be liberated for 3 hours. It's my time to be one with the Almighty, to be one with myself, and to forget anything and everything around me. The songs and prayers are so beautiful that I am tempted to repeat them in my mind. As I reading from the prayer book, I am astonished by the depth of the words. Really, I fall in love again and again with the Lord. ONLY if it were the case everyday. ONLY if I could pray like that everyday. ONLY if I could forget about my worries at least for 5 minutes every day. I am the most happiest as I enter the church and as I leave the church. As I enter, I am ecstatic about falling in love with God. As I leave, I am most convinced that I will change for the better. Unfortunately, it's been an ongoing process. Am I ever going to change? It's almost becoming banal. This capricious mentality must change. I just don't know how I can implement this onto my life. I guess I'm so disappointed with the real world that I am reluctant in changing myself for the better. What do you call this phenomena or reluctance? Is it my lame attempt at the ‘survival of the fittest‘ deal? Or just being plain lazy? Or being in denial?
As with everything, I do have a great issue with the day though. It is the beginning of yet another week. Another week full of worries, disappointments, anger, fury, embarrassments, and definitely fear. You are one day closer to death. You are one day closer to the D day. You are one day older. When did I become so pessimistic? No. I’m not pessimistic. As much as I would like to believe that statement, it is with the greatest of shame that I confess that I do fall into the long stretched and wrinkly hands of pessimism once in a while. At times, I am quite surprised by how my thoughts are occluded by the pessimism. When that happens, I can’t see much. I lose the motivation and inspiration to move on because I feel that there’s nothing to look forward to or that nothing is waiting for me or that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I am thankful that I get over this phase quite quickly. Somewhere along the road, life has taught me that dwelling on negative thoughts literally rip me up. Yet, it is so inevitable. I laugh at my own helplessness!
In the past few days, I have realized that I have changed for the better. The typical female reaction to adversities have almost disappeared from me. I am more laidback. I overlook certain things; I even look past some as well. I have become more understanding. I have become more patient. I have become more ‘human’ (In this case, being ‘human’ is a rather good thing, for a change). I love it. I have started complaining less (May be this has to do with the fact that I don’t talk to anyone on the phone now a day). Regardless, when you don’t have a source to whine to, you sit down and evaluate your actions and reactions. May be this is exactly what we need. Solitude. A few minutes to ourselves to meditate/pray. I have realized that I don’t have to ‘complain’ or ‘whine’ or ‘vent’ to humans. I can go into my room, read the Bible, and pray..and it is blissful! Who should I thank for the change in me? I say, I thank the people in my life!!
As with everything, I do have a great issue with the day though. It is the beginning of yet another week. Another week full of worries, disappointments, anger, fury, embarrassments, and definitely fear. You are one day closer to death. You are one day closer to the D day. You are one day older. When did I become so pessimistic? No. I’m not pessimistic. As much as I would like to believe that statement, it is with the greatest of shame that I confess that I do fall into the long stretched and wrinkly hands of pessimism once in a while. At times, I am quite surprised by how my thoughts are occluded by the pessimism. When that happens, I can’t see much. I lose the motivation and inspiration to move on because I feel that there’s nothing to look forward to or that nothing is waiting for me or that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I am thankful that I get over this phase quite quickly. Somewhere along the road, life has taught me that dwelling on negative thoughts literally rip me up. Yet, it is so inevitable. I laugh at my own helplessness!
In the past few days, I have realized that I have changed for the better. The typical female reaction to adversities have almost disappeared from me. I am more laidback. I overlook certain things; I even look past some as well. I have become more understanding. I have become more patient. I have become more ‘human’ (In this case, being ‘human’ is a rather good thing, for a change). I love it. I have started complaining less (May be this has to do with the fact that I don’t talk to anyone on the phone now a day). Regardless, when you don’t have a source to whine to, you sit down and evaluate your actions and reactions. May be this is exactly what we need. Solitude. A few minutes to ourselves to meditate/pray. I have realized that I don’t have to ‘complain’ or ‘whine’ or ‘vent’ to humans. I can go into my room, read the Bible, and pray..and it is blissful! Who should I thank for the change in me? I say, I thank the people in my life!!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Feeling blue!
There is no reason for me to be heavy hearted. Yet, I feel that any happy thought or optimism have been draining out of my mind. I have been sad. I'm talking about a person who's perky, hyper, and vivacious most of the time. She has a blank look on her face now and is uninterested in anything and everything. Yes, I'm talking about me. I've been thinking about what might have caused this sudden change and I am lost as ever! With no apparent reason, tears are making their way down. Well, I am sure that there is a reason. Everything that happens has a reason and for a reason. Is my mind not ready to accept the truth behind the 'blues'? Am I hiding something from myself? Is that even possible? My subconscious mind is preventing me from getting to the source of the problem? I think I want to scream my lungs out and cry. I found myself crying while in the train. The most random of places with strangers around me, my eyes started filling up!! Hopefully all this will end soon because I really am not liking this 'phase'! I think I'm stressed. That's weird..because I'm rarely stressed. May be this is how my mind reacts to stress? Oh, I have lost my appetite. There's definitely something wrong because I'm not hungry anymore. Armageddon?
I have been talking less as well. I am beginning to fear that I'll turn into an asocial in no time if this progresses. I want to be happy. I want to smile. I want to jump up and down. I want to feel great. I want to just..be me. If you're thinking that this is THAT time of the month..no it's not. Am I going through some hormonal changes? What kind of damn hormonal changes would I be going through at the age of 22?
On another note, I am losing interest in 'checking out' guys. Not only am I turning asocial, I am also missing out on one of the greatest pleasures known to women and men equally. Yeah. Absolutely great. I'm not complaining. I just cringe when my dear friends ask me if I've decided to join the other side. I think I need an eye opener. No, I need a drink!
May be I should go sit under a tree. Either an apple will fall on my head which will stimulate my brain cells and I can get an answer to all my questions. Or I can sit under a Bodhi tree (wonder if there are any in Georgia) and I'll be enlightened.
I feel better already!
I have been talking less as well. I am beginning to fear that I'll turn into an asocial in no time if this progresses. I want to be happy. I want to smile. I want to jump up and down. I want to feel great. I want to just..be me. If you're thinking that this is THAT time of the month..no it's not. Am I going through some hormonal changes? What kind of damn hormonal changes would I be going through at the age of 22?
On another note, I am losing interest in 'checking out' guys. Not only am I turning asocial, I am also missing out on one of the greatest pleasures known to women and men equally. Yeah. Absolutely great. I'm not complaining. I just cringe when my dear friends ask me if I've decided to join the other side. I think I need an eye opener. No, I need a drink!
May be I should go sit under a tree. Either an apple will fall on my head which will stimulate my brain cells and I can get an answer to all my questions. Or I can sit under a Bodhi tree (wonder if there are any in Georgia) and I'll be enlightened.
I feel better already!
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